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The Cheerful Giver
"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." (2 Corinthians 9:7)
I truly wanted to be a cheerful giver, but I didn't feel very cheerful while going through the mail. It seems impossible that a person could give to everyone who asks, for there are so very many legitimate, needy ministries that are for wonderful causes. I realized that I had to first decide in my heart what I would give and then I could give it cheerfully. Through much thought and prayer, I decided which organizations I would give and that was my limit unless I felt called to anything else (without feeling reluctant, of course). Now that I had made my decision ahead of time, after much consideration, when the mail came, I could discard whatever mail which wasn't what I decided upon. I believe that if a ministry is in God's will, He will put it on the hearts of those He wants to support it. I may support this ministry, while my neighbor feels called to support another. I had added this verse to my memory because God had taught me something through it.
HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO MARRIAGE?
Well, I know all the principles that are in the Bible about being a wife and what God's will is for me, but sometimes it is so difficult to do it cheerfully and not reluctantly. Sometimes I feel downright resentful. I didn't want to feel this way anymore so I prayed that God would help me to be the wife He wanted me to be. That He would bring to my mind His will and to give me the strength. Once again, the Lord brought to mind that same verse above. I had never seen it in this light. I must decide in my heart what I will give my husband and then I will be able to do it cheerfully and not reluctantly.
I felt God telling me to actually right them down and so I did. I decided ahead of time. I will share with you some of my list.
I WILL ALLOW HIM ALL THE FREEDOM HE NEEDS WITHOUT GUILT TRIPS.
Why?
We do not need to be together constantly to have a healthy marriage. The truth is that we are "one" as partners in life, helpers to each other, and as a family unit joined in God's eyes. However, we are two separate people. God calls us to tasks that are most likely not the same. I may be called to be alone so I can seek God (or I may never do it), and to care for the home and do what needs to be done (or it probably wouldn't get done), and to nurture the friendships that I've made, and to keep the commitments I've made outside the home that involve just me. My husband may be called to tend to his chores and responsibilities that are not inside the walls of our home. God may lead him to know certain people that he wouldn't know if he were always with me -- people that God chose to be in his life.
Giving each other freedom is letting the circumstances in God's hands instead of trying to manipulate things myself. We will meet who God wants us to meet -- maybe people that need to know Christ or people who will help us to grow. We will do the work that God has prepared in advance for us to do.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)
I WILL ALLOW HIM TO GROW IN THE LORD AT HIS OWN PACE WITHOUT PRESSURE, GUILT, OR JUDGMENT.
Why?
I know that every person's spiritual development is in God's hands. No one comes to Jesus unless the Father draws him. No one has faith but what God gives him or her. God is the keeper of the garden. I shall worry about the log in my own eye and not the speck in his.
"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him," (John 6:44a)
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener." (John 15:1)
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5)
I WILL ALLOW HIM TO CHOOSE HIS OWN WAY IN THE SMALLEST OF MATTERS.
Why?
What is to me what time he goes to bed or if he doesn't want to play volleyball at the party? Trying to manipulate these small matters is being a nag, which is like a constant dripping. It is better to live in the desert or on the corner of the roof than with me when I nag! God says it's better! (See Proverbs 19:13, 21:9, 21:19, 27:15)
I WILL ALLOW HIS HOME TO BE A SAFE HAVEN.
Why?
His home will be the place where he is not nagged (for we know what the Bible says about that!) He can leave his shoes in the middle of the floor if he chooses or he can pick up his tools later. He lives here...just as I do. I do not always want to do the dishes immediately after dinner (this is the case most of the time) and sometimes I don’t want to hang up my coat the minute I walk in the door. Just as I am very thankful that I have the freedom to relax in my home without being scolded or shamed, I will give him the same privilege.
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Now that I have thought about what I will give him, I need not get upset when these things occur in the future, for they were on my list. Please remember that I prayed before I made the list and I felt God's guidance. Your list may be totally different than mine, for every husband is different, you and I are different, and we all face different trials.
I encourage you to pray to the Lord as you consider your own marriage. Ask him to bring to your mind His principles and His will for your life. Think about what conflicts you face on a daily basis. Where are you reluctant? Where are you resentful? Make a list of what you are willing to give him and why. Base your answers on scripture -- for it is the only truth.
"Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me." (Psalm 43:3a)
"I the way and the truth and the life." (John 14:6a)
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9)